Campaign 2020: The First Exit

Swall’s Well that Ends Well

I am a unique and clever person for writing that.

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The battle for M’urrica has not even begun and already we can cull from our list of champions. The mighty sorcerer Eric Swallwell has laid down his sword and returned to his home province. He was in the grand arena of champions for all of five minutes. “People of M’urrica,” he proclaimed, “we must choose for ourselves a champion of the latest generation, someone who is strong and virile, someone who can rally the young people and call them to arms. That person will clearly not be me, though.” And he left.

But let’s give this man credit. There are at least a dozen so-called champions who don’t have what it takes to face the demon king. Swalwell is just smart enough to know he’s better suited fighting his own demons at home.


Champions Roster

There are probably more champions than this but I have forgotten about them. They will be remembered once they become briefly relevant again by publicly ending their doomed campaigns.

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Sanders.png
Harris.png
Warren.png
Buttigieg.png
Beto.png
Booker.png
Klobuchar.png
Castro.png
Yang.png
Gillibrand.png
Gabbard.png
Hickenlooper.png
Delaney.png
Ryan.png
Inslee.png
Bennett.png
Blasio.png
Bullock.png
Williamson.png
Swalwell.png
Moulton.png
Gravel.png
Messam.png